11 Comments
User's avatar
Jef Loeb's avatar

Not that anyone is shocked by riffs on anatomy anymore-female or male-but considering the name, does 5th grade locker room jokes add much? I’m thinking vamps like, “You know you want it” might give you a nice double. “From deep down” is an artisanal water story. And “Never thirsty” for urban dictionary readers.

Expand full comment
Stewie's avatar

After reading this substack for six months, this is the post that finally got me to subscribe.

Expand full comment
Copyranter's avatar

You don't suck, Stewie.

Expand full comment
Hayden Douglas's avatar

SLIT YOUR THIRST

THE BEST WATER AROUND THESE PARTS

LAP, DON'T SIP

THIS CLAM COMES IN A CAN

TASTES AS CLEAN AS IT SMELLS

WHY GO DRY?

Expand full comment
Hayden Douglas's avatar

And since we haven't verbed it yet:

BEAVER YOUR MOUTH

Expand full comment
Copyranter's avatar

good one.

Expand full comment
Andy Askren  🌊💙⛰️🇺🇸's avatar

So. Wet.

Expand full comment
Jill Alison's avatar

You're hired. Now fix your typo on 'suscription' after your snatch line. Peace.

Expand full comment
Copyranter's avatar

THANK YOU.

Expand full comment
Hayden Douglas's avatar

https://www.engineslc.com/beaver-water

It appears donating to women's empowerment organizations is part of the value prop.

So, naturally:

Buy Beaver.

Support bitches.

Expand full comment
Copyranter's avatar

Yeah saw that. Doesn't excuse the shitty writing.

Expand full comment