WTF DO THESE TAGLINES MEAN?

Copywriting? No, copy-wronging.

ORBIT

A TAGLINE FOR DINGBATS. Orbit is a brand of gum. GUM. What makes you DING? Me, I don’t have a fucking clue. How will Orbit, a GUM, help me do this DING thing? Who knows. Not them. Here’s a TV spot featuring an insane dancing middle-aged man and the completely unrelated song “Call Me Maybe”—it explains NOTHING. A reminder: Taglines must stand on their own. Now read it again. Ad agency: Energy BBDO.

APEROL

Aperol is an Italian bitter apéritif. Joy. Together. We. How does one JOY? Is this something you do while Adulting, Millennials? Does it make you DING?

FedEx

Slick meaningless alliteration. What/Where is Now? What/Where is Next? Nothing and Nowhere.

TOYOTA

Product specific tagline for 2023 Sequoia. Simply shell out $60,000+ and you instantly become a Living Legend.

SUBWAY

Lastly, not new of course. But a laughably pathetic response by Subway to anybody who’d eaten at a Subway Laughing Out Loud at their original specious use of the word “fresh”.

PREVIOUSLY: Brand Taglines That Are Assholes.