Taglines Are Getting Dumber & Dumberer

Remember when Taglines used to make sense? No more.

A tagline can make a company. Nike: Just Do It. FedEx: When It Absolutely Positively Has To Be There Overnight. And, my all-time favorite:

If you’ve ever had Schaefer then you understand the NEED to have more than one (or two): to dull the taste buds.

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OK, now to the Dumbness. Coke introduced a new worldwide tagline earlier this year:

Magic isn’t Real

Way back last Century, Coke’s tagline was: The Real Thing. Not a “WOW” tagline but it at least positioned its brown sugar water as superior to other brands of brown sugar water. It made sense.

Real Magic? Coke doesn’t even contain Real Sugar anymore. (It did in the 70s when it was The Real Thing.) What the fuck does it even mean? It’s utterly senseless and disconnected from reality. How the fuck did client and ad agency arrive at these two words after—you can be assured—many, many long meetings? Jesus Diabetus Christ it is fucking idiotic.

COME AT ME BRO…

I don’t know…deer hunting? (tis the season) Glenfiddich means “valley of the deer” in Scottish Gaelic. That explains the logo. It doesn’t explain this intimidating big buck seemingly asking me where the fuck I’m going next. My answer, to avoid being gored: “the nearest liquor store or bar”. Looks like it could be a pretty long walk, though.

Orgy imminent…

Do…what exactly? In Extra’s new Holiday commercial (not linking to it) the “It” seems to mean: say something offensive. But my first thought upon seeing/hearing this tagline was: Fucking. As I learned watching Beavis & Butt-Head, “Do It” means Sex. If that’s what Extra means here, well that at least makes some sense; chewing it maybe makes your breath less shitty before doing it. But this is definitely NOT what Extra means, especially in “Woke” 2021. Taglines must stand on their own. And this one, on its own, is rhyming Meaninglessness.

FEEL THE NO

I guess “kills the germs that cause bad breath” was starting too feel to intelligent to the brand. So they’re out with a new tag targeting the lowest dumbest common denominator.

Literally every pizza hole-in-wall in NYC out pizzas The Hut.

Lastly, not a new tagline. But it is maybe the most inaccurate, and therefore one of the dumbest, tagline in advertising history.