More Ads That Have Aged Like Box Wine.
Some more than others.
RELATED: 10 Russian Ads From The Last 10 Years That have Not Aged Well.
Most of yous don’t know the 1970s. It was like…another dimension in another universe compared to today’s www world.
This is what 70s kids, like me, did daily. LEFT—Lined up to risk serious injury at the playground. Note dad and toddler (c/u below) and know that dad is just going to shove that poor boy down the slide and hope for the best. RIGHT: High school gym class. No worries. The floor was lined with hard wrestling mats less than two inches thick that would not stop compound fractures but would help soak up the blood.
OK, to the ads.
1. LOVE’S BABY SOFT
“Bizarre” is not the word I would use here. Amazingly, Love’s print ads were even creepier. Christ, look at it. Now note that it was placed in, not Pedophilia Monthly, but Tiger Beat magazine, targeting young teen girls.
2. SUGAR ASSOCIATION
What the fuck do you say to counter that specious headline. The evil copy:
"There's a useful psychological effect, too. The good natural sweetness of sugar is like a little reward that promotes a sense of satisfaction and well-being."
Yes, just look at how happy Snap, Crackle, and Pop are.
3. BROOMSTICKS
Two ads from a 1960s-70s campaign called the “Broomsticks Gang-Rape Series™”. WTF were “Broomsticks”? Men’s pants made from a blend of Acrilan® (acrylic) and Rayon, or CELANESE® and FORTREL® = 100% unnatural.
“Rosie”, left, faces a “ring” of wrinkle-free-pants-wearing rapists. Unnamed woman, right, nervously, dreadfully awaits the sound of unzipping.
4. MaGriffe Perfume & Smirnoff
Back to the heady days of Women’s Lib.
LEFT: You wake up and shower, but don't wash your hair. You leave your fuck-me wedges in the closet and slip on your new Earth shoes, a faded tie-dye t-shirt and loose bell bottoms. Your big placard reads "EQUALITY FOR WOMYN!!!" You're angry and proud. You're at the front of the 1,000-strong pack. Suddenly from your left, downwind, a man who looks like Lee Majors ambles up to you and grabs your placard with one hand and your ass with the other. You're pissed, but aroused. Then, you remember...damn you MaGriffe! Your protesting day is over. Your “liberating” evening is about to begin.
RIGHT: Is her bra currently smoldering in the ladies room trashcan? Is she also panty-less? Why is Mr Bad Haircut boring a hole into the side of the lush’s head and not betwixt her now unencumbered breasts?
5. DOLE Bananas
“IF YOU FEEL IT PEEL IT”. I don’t know how “Great Gig In The Sky” (featuring the brilliant voice of Clare Torry) sells bananas. Unless: Dole was lacing their phallic symbols with LSD.
6. AMERICAN AIRLINES
Yeah-nah, how bout somebody’s else MILF. American Airlines ad from 1968 when "business class" was chain-smoking men with their pants unbuckled, and “flight attendants” were sashaying short-skirted stewardesses. When the hooch flowed non-stop and ass-pinching was the service bell. That was flying "The American Way."
NOTE: I’m old enough to remember flying to Florida in a cigarette-smoke-filled tube. Breathe that in, youngsters.