In Which I Try Again To Decipher AdAge & Adweek Headlines.

Marketers—what don't they don't know?

This you mind on marketing.

Nearly nothing is as dehumanizing as the language of modern marketing. And it’s not getting more humanizing any time soon, apparently.

1.

Marketers are, stereotypically, clueless and lazy. So it’s not surprising that they are, again, trying to stereotype a Generation. Stereotypical ads are easy to make. But they do love the word “authentic”, even though they don’t know what it means. I’ll halp them “connect”. Make ads that authentically make them laugh, make them say ‘hmm’, make them not not watch. It’s called “Creativity”, dipshits.

2.

I believe the “mindset” ship has already sailed and sunk and been salvaged, AdAge/Malibu.

3.

Ah yes, co-creation. Again. Marketers hate creatives because creatives can do something they can’t: create creative ads. So they’re looking at “partnerships” and “communities”—aka, not creative departments—because they then get to get their un-creatively wired brains into the storm. “Winning” campaigns and “lasting” connections will be near nonexistent.

---

*****Where else are you gonna find someone who obsessively screen-grabs trade site headlines and tries to decipher them for rational-thinking humans like yourself? Nowhere else, that’s where. Please a buy a reduced-price subscription here.*****

---

4.

Son, I know you mean well. But you need to travel back in time to the last century and witness how many of the greatest ideas in ad history were created by shitfaced/stoned CWs and ADs.

5.

Look at that cute bell overlaid with an exclamation point—How intuitive. Marketers love bullshit-word alliteration, it’s faux intelligence at its worst. Let’s rewrite this headline:

The Future of Digital Stuff: Less Asshole, More Out of the Ass.

6.

Sigh. People. Passion. Purpose. Add them up and ya got: Poopy.