Copywriting Lesson: Rewriting "EXTREME" Ads.

If you're not chewing EXTREME gum do you even have anything in your mouth? Free post. It's my birthday.

About 15 years ago, Trident and 5Gum had an ad copywriting EXTREME-Off. I don’t know which brand went EXTREME first, but it doesn’t matter.

This type of phenomenon happens often in our industry: the same creative linchpin pops up nearly simultaneously, all over the world; It’s an unexplained karmic mystery. Sure sometimes it's just blatant idea larceny by shameless creatives, or idiotic clients who say something like "Did you see that dancing babies ad? I want dancing babies in my ads”.

As GenXers know, both of these brands owe a nod to the “Xtreme” 1990s, when that brand spelling was everywhere.

But I think, if you're going to go EXTREME, than why not go FULL FUCKING RETARD EXTREME? Therefore, I've rewritten some of these EXTREME ads, making them more VERY.

---

Before beginning the lesson, please considering buying a subscription, not because it’s my birthday, but because what other ad critic gives you “EXTREMELY” valuable creative lessons like this. $50/year, $5/month. Click Here.

---

TRIDENT

One day, I stepped into an A train car that had been taken over by a new Trident campaign. This poster, in particular, made me gape. Chewy nunchucks? Nunchucks are unwieldy. I think my take makes for a more explosive, targeted ad.

If you're going to anthropomorphize cavities as passive-aggressive stalkers, well then I say make them felonious potential murderers.

What the fuck is a mouth office? Why not be proactive. Instead of anthropomorphizing your gum sticks as passive "guards"? Make them armed-to-the-teeth (sorry) overly- aggressive killers.

5GUM

In 2007, 5Gum launched their EXTREME campaign in ESPN Magazine. 5Gum is so named because it supposedly appeals to all five senses. How does it appeal to sound? It's not bubble gum. No matter. So, you'd have to be Gulliver on Lilliput to be able lie on 1,000 cell phones. But fuck logic: this is EXTREME copywriting.

5Gum spearmint is so powerful, it takes over your body. And it lasts so long, if you chew a piece for a week, the flavor replaces your blood, eventually turning you into a refreshing zombie.

The marketing geniuses at 5Gum decided to name their wintergreen product "Cobalt". Forgetting that if you tried "speed skating on dry ice," you'd break your neck, let's focus instead on Cobalt (chemical element "Co", atomic number 27). Cobalt is highly toxic, and "reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen", according to the CDC. Now that's EXTREME.

Another spearmint one. Needed more EXTREME electrifyingness.

Another creepily sexually anthropomorphic execution. Fuck 1st base, let's go hard to 3rd base, baby.

These two executions were strangely art only, so I added EXTREME headlines.

“Tropical” flavor. No, I've never tried that (L) because I'd be dead. Let's call a tidal wave what it is, and provoke more FEARFUL fun.

---

NOTE: All ads scanned or photographed by me. I wrote a version of this article on Blogger about nine years ago. It’s my birthday, so I’m being a bit lazy. But It remains a good copywriting lesson, though.