Ad Blimps We Could Sacrifice To China

An eye for an eye, a blimp for a balloon.

You know they’re just itching to shoot some…American flying object down. Here’s some possibilities. As opposed to usual, I spent very little time or effort on this post. So, there’s that.

1. Hendrick’s Gin

Hendrick’s is doing some stupid-ass “Green” Super Bowl stunt with the above “CucumberAir” blimp. Read more about it here. It’s just more brand Green-Washing. (I’m collecting the worst examples of this for an upcoming post.) China has my permission to invade Arizona airspace to put this fucker down in the desert.

2. MetLife

Mainly because I hate their tagline, I’d like to see this zeppelin burst into flames. Hey, Snoopy was shot down many times by the Red Baron.

3. A Minion

I’ve never seen one second of any of the Minion movies, so lock and launch.

4. Goodyear

The granddaddy of ad blimps was retired in 2017. But! In its place they’ve launched three semi-rigid (that’s what she said) airships. Machine-gunning one of these down would strike right at the heart of American Capitalism.

5. Ichiban Hibachi Express

This exact place is apparently not in business anymore. No matter. It’s Japanese. And I’m sure the blimp is still around. And China hates Japan. No brainer.

6. Any Brand Blimp

Just get Xi Jinping on the phone and ask him which American brand he hates the most and we’ll customize a target for him.

7. U.S. NAVY

Or Army, Air Force, whatever. Just put some fake spy cameras on it.

8. BIDEN

Their fighters can shoot him right in the mouth.