A Close Examination Of The Worst Cruise Ship Ad Ever Written.

If a copy-bot didn't write this cliche-filled hooey, then one should have.

There have been many, many terrible cruise ship ads. But this one takes the shit-cake. Commercial for Seabourn was released in January.

Read this, and feel nothing:

“This is your moment. This is where it all comes together. All those years of waking to the sunrise and burning the midnight oil. The raising and rejoicing. The struggles that led to successes. Successes that led you to this moment. When it all falls into place. When you arrive at new views of yourself. Or that person sleeping beside you for the past 20 years. And you can hear the drumbeat of your heart. The call of the wild. The beckoning of new friends. That feed your hunger to live the largest possible life. This is that moment.”

Yes, that “moment” when I power puked my breakfast into my bookcase. 99 words in 60 seconds that say absolutely nothing of substance or interest. Be right back, I need to take a bath with the bones of Bill Bernbach. (look at that accidental alliteration!)

The British voiceover just makes the copy even deader. And the visuals are just as bad; the spot looks like a lame travel brochure in motion.

I AM ONE WITH THE SUN (this is stock footage).

Here’s more from the press release:

“…the global campaign targets women aged 50 and older…It’s also a key demo for cruise marketers: women 50-plus make 87% of the travel decisions and have $19 trillion in assets. The objective is to redefine the concepts of luxury and cruising for active and accomplished younger Boomers and older Gen- Xers. Psychographically speaking, the 50-plus audience Seabourn seeks is awaiting adventure, purpose, and elevated, transformational experience.”

“Psychographically speaking”? Well I’m 50-plus and I’m awaiting my next bowel movement, which I will name “Seabourn” in honor of this ad.

CLIENT: “make sure you get the shot with all the fucking penguins.”

The spot was created by an LA women-owned marketing agency, Grace Creative. Was the copy-bot also a “woman”? This is disappointing to me because the best art directors I’ve worked with have all been women.

Stock 50-something women.

Previously: A Close Examination of How Awful Alcohol Ads Have Gotten.