Whiskey Ads For And About Manly Men.
Cosmo-sipping Females—STFU + GTFOOH. (free post)
(I worked pretty hard on this free post. Please buy a subscription here so I can keep working hard on something as unneeded and stupid as advertising coverage.)
Deer hunting. Darts. Old underwear with zero elastic left. Near-empty fridges. Eating dropped food off of dirty as fuck floors. Doctors? Broken (large) bones only. Making random growling sounds. What?—our balls itch, that’s why. A “pink” cocktail? If the pink is blood. And of course Whiskey.
JIM BEAM
Duct Tape fixes everything (including broken fingers). And if you ask us too many questions about our “feelings”, we’ll use it to fix that, too (sigh, BY TAPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT).
Refrigerators are for two (2) things: BEER and LEFTOVERS. “Where can I put the hummus, sweetheart?” On the floor, with the lid off, so’s the rats have something to eat. Sweetheart. (Ad agency, this campaign: Energy BBDO, Chicago)
EDIT: “Try” to talk them about anything. (Ad agency: Y&R, Chicago)
(As I wrote on Monday, this one of my favorite headlines in the entire history of advertising.) We only wanna hear the word “cranberry” followed by “sauce”, on Thanksgiving, while watching football, and scratching our aforementioned itchy balls.
Yes ladies, go get your own table and sip your Merlot and “Cabs” and “Zins” and “Chards”. Speaking of ladies, Mila Fucking Kunis is now Jim Beam’s official salesperson. This world is dead to me. (Ad agency, this campaign: Energy BBDO, Chicago)
JAMESON
Ireland is of course where the soul of whiskey lives (sorry Scotland). Jameson whiskey was founded by John Jamesons I, II, and III. Tough Irish MEN who may or may not have done all these tough things. But they certainly did lots of tough things.
(Ad agency, this campaign: TBWA\CHIAT\DAY, NYC.)
CANADIAN CLUB
“Yes baby, that’s right. When I was your age, I was bangin’ three girls your age. By the time I met your Mom, my penis was as dangerous and effective as a trained cobra”.
Damn Right and DAMN RIGHT. (I think what happened here is the right headline got blowback from pussies, so’s they replaced it with the left line. Body copy is same.) (Ad agency, campaign: Energy BBDO, again. CC and Jim Beam are both Beam Suntory brands.)