Three 2022 American Ads That Suck Harder Than An Airplane Toilet*

The Bad Force is strong with these commercials.

Every sucky day, I see/watch several ads that suck. My usual responses are “Christ” or “Fuck Off” or just a heavy sigh. And then I move on to the next one because it’s my job.

But then, there’re the ones that make my really angry.

DieHard (May, USA)

Diehards Choose DieHard. CLIENT: “We need more name recall!” AGENCY (Y&R): “How bout something that doesn’t make a lick of sense.?” CLIENT: “SOLD!”

AGENCY: “OK, keeping with the ‘senseless’ theme, we’ll eschew cars and hook a DieHard up to the gloves of a boxer getting the shit beat out of him.” CLIENT: “I love boxing! But, uh, wouldn’t that electrocute him?” AGENCY: “Maybe!”

TaxSlayer (January, USA)

SEE…IT’S A…“CASH…COW”.

Since it’s a Tax”Slayer” ad, we can assume that the asshat “cowboy” promptly killed the poor abused-by-lazy-first-year-ad-school-student-idea cow, probably with a hammer. Ad agency: the creative juggernaut Party Land of LA.

I was paid nothing for this shit.

Lumin (January, USA)

“Skincare…for MEN?!?”—sez our hero, obviously a manly non-snowflake of a man, who fucking LIFTS. How do we get to him (and his ilk), wonders Lumin? Why, we’ll just insult the fucking bejesus out of him and his lack of intelligence. We’ll get a femmy guy with long, shiny hair to be our spokes-ass to uncomfortably “mansplain” moisturizing with bad workout jokes and “touching” and “grabbing”. The 1980s called (on a land line), they’d like their commercial back. Ad agency: Good Conduct, Denver.

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*Not my phrase.