The Laughably Bad Animal Metaphor Ads Of Investment Banking.
Looking for the "smart" money? Don't look at the ads.
In old-school ad school we learned there are basic “concept” areas to go to get the creative ball rolling: go forward in time; go backward in time; babies; and the animal kingdom—with the understanding that your final idea should not come from these “first idea” areas.
Investment banks often don’t use ad agencies because investment bankers think they know everything about everything. LOL.
1. State Street
(scanned from Wall Street Journal) Copy begins:
“Experience tells us the "ready fire aim" approach to investing is no way to hit your targets. In fact, it's a good way to shoot (or spear) yourself in the foot...”
Maasai warriors are actually very skilled hunters so not only is this ad offensive, it’s incorrect, State Street.
2. Investec
(ad scanned from Forbes) TAGLINE: Out of the Ordinary (TRADEMARKED?). A Zebra. NOT on its front feet. A Zebra. Well, they are an “African-rooted” company. A fucking Zebra. It’s become their commercial sign-off animal. Why? Who the fuck knows.
3. MIG Investments
(scanned from Equities magazine) Six Photoshopped Bears. Look at the bear’s face, right. That’s a Very Bear-y market. “Confidence Is Capital”? “Living” is better Capital. Investor/Climber dude is Lunch.
4. Morgan Stanley
(ad scanned from Wall Street Journal) Why a horsie? Shut-up, that’s why, we’re World Fucking Wise. So this (stock) photo of a windblown equine supposedly illustrates their wind power “insight”. An insight any boob on the street (not just Wall Street) already knows.
5. Morgan Stanley
(sorry for the low res image) Ad from 2008, right in the middle of the financial collapse. The copy starts:
"If you look closely, you’ll see one is a white-bearded goat and the other a balloon.”
Well, that sure is some extra-ordinary worldly wiseness. So…are you guys the goat or the balloon? Are you suggesting that I invest in livestock? Rubber? Fucking Rich Pricks.
6. Santander
(scanned from Wall Street Journal) I know the answer! It’s either because he doesn't have a firm understanding of the Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act, or because he’s a big dumb gorilla, right? What do I win, shitbags.
7. CME Group
(scanned from Wall Street Journal) “OK Michael, just hold this leash and we’ll magically place a lion next to you”. Have you ever more wanted to see an animal maul a man in an ad? How’s his BlueCrest Capital doing today? They’re dead. I guess the lion (or bears) ate asshat Mr. Platt.
8. Jones Trading
(scanned from Bloomberg Markets) Some investor advertisers forgo animals and instead go with mind-numbing, childish visual metaphors. Jones calls themselves "Liquidity experts since 1975”. This pithy ad seems to be saying: when life gives you a decimated portfolio, make broke-ade.
9. J.P. Morgan
(Scanned from CFO Magazine) It’s the 'ol oyster and pearl stock photo. Well, that’s “efficiency” I guess, especially if it’s a rights-free photo. These are the kinds of minds I want handling my company's money, fuck yeah.
10. Allianz (Netherlands)
Lastly, here’s a good investing ad just released featuring the great face and on-screen presence of Christoph Waltz. See the other executions From the Waltz “Start Making Cents” (oof, that tagline) campaign here. Ad Agency: Wieden & Kennedy, Amsterdam.