The GEICO Gecko Has Become A Dreary Daily Reminder That We're All Going To Die—Before He Does
Is he a creation of the "Lizard People"?
The Cockney-accented “lizard” has been Geico’s mascot for 23+ years, since 1999. PRE-9/11. (Here’s one of his first ads—his accent wasn’t so cute back then.) The average lifespan of a real gecko is 15 years.
How was he created? Well, “Geico” used to sometimes be mispronounced as “gecko”—connect the dots. Geico has produced over 150 different ads with that fucking animated fuck. The creatives writing the commercials now even have the ad actors “writing” ads for him—that’s how meta he has become. And though he has cost Geico hundreds of millions of media dollars, he has made them billions—so they’re not retiring him anytime soon, if ever. And believe me, those creatives at Geico’s ad agency, The Martin Agency, have thousands of unused Gecko ideas waiting to be pitched.
Years ago he went from “cute” to “annoying”. Memes with him have been created out the ass. Now, in 2023, he has just become depressing; a daily reminder on all our screens that The End is coming for us all.
Let’s look (re-re-re-re-look) at some of his ads currently in heavy rotation.
Spot is three years old, but is now back on our TeeVees every day. Here Gecko (“G” going forward) informs us Geico has been around longer than Buffalo Wings. G chokes on hot sauce. But he won’t die. He will be around longer than you, me, and Buffalo Wings. And probably Buffalo.
Another three-year-old ad back in rotation. G’s holding a Yard Sale with all of his miniature shit. He’s selling albums, roller blades, and look, even his satellite dish—because even he can’t stand to see him on TV anymore.
G welcomes you to the nabe with a huge tray of big “biscuits”, while also slipping in a pitch for homeowners’ insurance. Douchebag. You eat the tiny cookies and try to get the recipe from him. But he won’t tell you because it’s a “secret recipe”. At which point you should have slammed the door on the annoying door-to-door sales-lizard.
Out of nowhere, G is pestering this woman at a diner. G claims he’s an introvert, which, yeah, right, you and the Kardashian/Jenners.
He’ll say anything to sell you fucking insurance. ‘Oh you like Byzantine architecture? Me too!’ How cute is he now?
Lastly, if you’re a masochist, here’s a continuous hour and six minutes of Geico Gecko ads. And that’s not even all them. There are going to be many, many, many more GG ads to come before you die.
“Some” think Lizard People control the Earth. Maybe. But they definitely control the insurance marketplace.