The Dystopian Unmitigated Cheerfulness Of Toyota Jan

Is she a highly-advanced Android? Or something even more sinister?

“Everybody” (including this creep) loves big-smiling Jan and her infectious positivity, especially certainly Toyota. Many little girls want to grow up and be Jan.

I, do not love Jan. Every time she comes on my TV, a nervous nausea wells up in my innards. I can’t help but think of End Times.

RED is also the color of HELL and DEATH.

Wardrobe apparently has a walk-in closet full of perfectly-fitting red Jan clothing that matches the Toyota brand Red (PANTONE: PMS Red 032 C). Jan is pretty but not sexy. Her “personality” is strong yet very narrow. Great acting job by the talented Laurel Coppock? Or, something…else?

Jan has been making Toyota commercials for 10 years. She beat out hundreds of other actors, including Progressive Flo (Stephanie Courtney), for the gig. Here’s one of her latest ads, where she is quite evil. She snaps her fingers and makes Summer “stand still” and then places stuff on frozen customers’ heads. She even tries to choke a poor frozen puppy by jamming a too-big stick too far into its mouth (below).

DOG: ‘WTF EVIL WOMAN’

Second ad in the Summer campaign: Riding across the country in a car carrier constantly pulling the fucking truck horn annoying the fuck out of people on vacation.

Mocking math and smart people, claiming this is the equation for String Theory. It is not (Google it).

Mass murder after mass murder after mass murder. Jan don’t care. Jan keeps smiling and blowing party favors July after July as the country (and world) hurtles toward Destruction.

Image via The Unofficial Laurel Coppock Fanpage.

The last face many of us will see before we die.