TEN MEN I'D PUNCH IN THE FACE.

A selective list that dates from 800 B.C. to 2022.

NOTE: During this dead week, I will not be posting about ads, just other even stupider shit.

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FYI: During my hockey-playing days, I got punched (and cross-checked) in the face several times, have had my chin, lip, nose and forehead bloodied. But no major damage.

1. MATT GAETZ

What a fucking twat. Look at that twat face. ‘I’m gonna sit down during Zelenskyy’s speech to Congress cause I’m such a Firebrand, which is the name of my pussypodcast’. You fuck underage girl(s), you noodle-arm moronic twat. GOD that would feel good, right on the BUTTON.

2. FRANCESCO SCHETTINO

“A Captain never abandons his ship…” This fucking coward couldn’t get off his ship fast enough after running it aground and sinking it, killing 32 people. Look at what he and his shark lawyer said in his defense:

The captain had claimed…that the reef which grounded the Costa Concordia did not appear on his charts. He also blamed his crew for the collision saying that he ordered the ship to sail close to the island…(because) he thought it would be nice for the 3,000 passengers to enjoy the night time view of Giglio close up. He went on to say that he fell off the ship by accident into a lifeboat as it tilted, and had not deliberately abandoned ship.

Fell off by accident right into a lifeboat! What are the chances! I hope he’s getting lots of knuckle sandwiches in prison.

3. TUCKER CARLSON

make your own dick jokes about the middle photo.

FUCKER CARLSON. Such a toughee on a screen. IRL, he whines like a babee when people confront him in public not-at-all aggressively about the Hate & Insults that he spouts on the regular. The average Upper Manhattan 12-year-old could beat him senseless with one arm tied behind his/her back. I know; I play b-ball with them every week. I would pay—A LOT—to watch it. But first, I’d get in a good one myself.

4. BEN SHAPIRO

ASSHOLE On The Grassy Knoll.

Yet another noodle-arm pussy who thinks he’s tough, here hooking his thumb in his jeans like he’s an open-range cowboy. He’s considered a “smart” far-right douchebag. Yeah, brilliant move opposing Trump in 2016, then after watching those four years, supporting him in 2020. And this pussy doesn’t like wet pussies, maybe because he’s never encountered one? Anyway, I’ll meet pussy-face on the Grassy Knoll (above) and punch his smug face “back and to the left”.

5. ROBERT FORD

pretty boy, they’d have loved YOU in prison.

James Gang member. FULL LAST NAME: “The Coward Who Shot Jesse James In The Back”. The very embodiment of a “BACK STABBER”. THEN, he “went on to perform paid re-enactments of the killing at publicity events”. Ten years later, he was shot dead face-to-face with a shotgun. O'Kelley Should have decked the twerp first.

6. DILBERT & SCOTT ADAMS

Dilbert—Why? The unfunny character/strip is as depressing as a middle manager weekend golf getaway. Adams—Why? He’s a racist, misogynist piece of human garbage. Also, he created Dilbert. I would punch a hole in Dilbert’s head and then the follow-through would break Adams’s nose and glasses.

7. DICK DASTARDLY

Why? He spent his entire failed career trying to kill…a fucking pigeon. Even his sidekick, Muttley, couldn’t stop laughing at him. What a Dick.

8. STEPHEN MILLER

Most famous for actually trying RONCO’s GLH canned hair (right), Miller reportedly jerks off to photos of suffering migrants. Looking at that pencil-neck dork-face toxic racist, I would definitely not stop after I put him on his ass with a half-strength jab.

9. THE “PROPHET” ELISHA

“Let’s feed him to bears”.

Via 1 Kings (The Holy Bible):

23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.

That’s right: He got 42 boys mauled to death by two bears, simply because they called him “baldhead”. Look at his ugly fucking head. “Saint”, my ass. Hope he’s burning in Hell (with a broken faceplate via an overhand from The Devil).

10. ALBERT

“Albert” (don’t remember his last name) was the 1st grade bully who slugged me hard in the stomach during recess. Why? He did it for no reason. He did it to others, also for no reason. I bawled my eyes out, and continued bawling back in class and all the girls laughed at me. I’ll probably have a hard time hunting him down.