When I get up, I usually have no idea what I’m going to write about that day. Today, it’s vintage sunburn ads. Next week: there will be a “Fart-vertising” article that will include the funniest ads featuring farts/gas. Unlike this one, It won’t be free.
Summer is coming. Do you like the beach. I fucking hate the boring beach, sitting/laying there doing nothing (I like body-surfing). Let's return to the days when "sunblock" = "an umbrella".
1969 Solarcaine ads. I pretty much watch only vintage porn from the 1970s, one the main reasons being that I LOVE the tan/burn lines. So hot. Tanning beds are the worst invention in human history. NOTE: Doofus Black and white guy should have just been cropped out of the ad. NO ONE wants to look at you.
1950s Noxzema ads. Notice none of the ads featured burnt men because real men treated sunburn with motor oil and paint thinner.
The baby polar bear was apparently not an official mascot of Noxzema, but IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Dummies.
1966 ads. Model very on purpose looks like Annette Funicello, star of many 1960s beach movies with Frankie Avalon.
OK now let’s get to the really red-lobstered babes. Above, 1953. I think “KILLS” SLEEP would have been enough.
Above, 1973. That’s some burnt prime rib.
And the Burn winner is… 1974 ad.
Mr. Boo-urns!