Let's Write Some "Authentic" Taglines

Taglines are mostly hooey. Some taglines are more hooey-er than others, and need "authentic" revisions. Six "Real" taglines below.

“Authentic”. Maybe the worst marketing buzzword ever. Brands blurt it out on the regular like they know what the fuck they’re talking about. Ask a marketer to describe what it means, grab some popcorn, then watch them mangle the English language with even more meaningless buzzwords, creating a disgusting word salad with rotten lettuce and bullshit-flavored dressing.

I’ve put the following taglines through my proprietary Bullshit Detector. It then spit out 100% bullshit-free “authentic” revisions.

Starting with some alcohol Tags.

1. HENNESSY

An Odyssey! So that’s the blood of 108 dead suitors in every drop (eww). Let’s dial back the bombast about a billion notches, you French Fucks.

Homer has dropped law suit.

2. STELLA ARTOIS