Johnny Depp's Sauvage Ads: His Inner Monologues.
Sauvage is French for: Savage. BTW.
PRE-NOTE: Because looking at bad ads all day, every day, drives me stupid, every now and again, I write something really stupid, just for the Stupid of it. This is one of those days.
Best known as Captain Jack Sparrow and Edward Penis-Hands, Depp has also made a shit-ton of doubloons from the being the face, guitar, and ocassional voice of Dior fragrance Sauvage for several years.
Below is his spot from 2022, the year of his defamation trial against Amber Heard.
“In the Wilderness, Fearless…and Human…Survive…”
I—and history—disagree about the “human” part of that quip. This is the only line Mr. Depp has in the ad. But: what was he thinking…
Only 16 amps…more amps? MORE AMPS! CUT!!!!!
“four skulls and two crossbones on three rings…what can I say…I’m sorry for being less… I’m a fucking savage” (Amazing bit of possible Sauvage branding he admitted to texting, during the trial.)
“Is the guitar my cock, and Amber the she-wolf? “Should I burn her …or drown her before I burn her…then fuck her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead?”
“Five more she-wolves… I insisted that all the wolves on set be female. Because I am the ultimate man-savage. I call them Winona, Kate, Jennifer, Sherilyn, and Traci Lords”.
Below is a commercial from 2024. Note how more “lived” he looks. He’s got more to say this time.
“The magical red moon illuminates the night sky. The night is charged with intoxicating scents (take a shower). Intensity. (the opposite of my reading.) The howling of wolves (please eat him). This is the call of Sauvage Elixir”.
Unlike the 2022 spot, this time he is not in the desert at night. He is on a darkened sound stage. Ad has 3.3 million views and only 50 comments, all *glowing*. Sure thing, Dior. Ad agency: Publicis, France.
Anyway, to what he was possibly thinking:
“Ain’t no fucking way they’re getting me out in that freezing-ass desert again”.
“That’s the 21st take…I ain’t saying that fucking word one more time. That’s as ‘intense’ as I can be. I told you dipshits how hard it is to annunciate after shooting up”.
“Amber sure as shit was ‘howling’ when she only won 2 mil to my 15, Ha! I bet Day Drinker is gonna make me Hollywood hot again (It hasn’t been released as of this post.) Glad they let me be nonstop shitfaced on set to stay in character…Elixir, elixir, he licks her…ha, I’m gonna say that instead, they’ll never know…”