I SHOUT AGAIN: CAN ANYBODY WRITE A FREAKIN' TAGLINE.

No, it's not even a rhetorical question, OBVIOUSLY.

Taglines. Pure copywriting. A challenge, for sure. But also an opportunity for CWs to become industry-famous. It Takes a Tough Man To Make A Tender Chicken®. When It Absolutely Positively Has To Be There Overnight®. The One Beer To Have When You’re Having More Than One®.

Back in the 1980s, I met the man who wrote this greatest beer tagline ever.

Looking at recent taglines, it’s like a lobotomized weaponized robot is writing them. They don’t just not make any fucking sense, they seem like they’re trying to unsell people.

Below, I present some of these cringy lines and the possible thought processes behind them. You want a priceless copywriting lesson, creatives? Buy a subscription here ($40/year, $5/month).