HOW OLD ARE YOU (part two)?
Me, I hunted (small) dinosaurs.
(Every once in awhile [like, every fucking day], I get sick and tired of writing about advertising. So, I started a Getting To Know Copyranter series, where I share some personal details.)
Ad reviews/criticism/lessons will return Monday, January 6th. Here’s Part One.
Until then, I will continue the Getting To Know Copyranter series, and also write about non-ad topics, like Dystopia, Depression, and maybe some other D words. And, How Old I Am.
***I’ve extended the discounted yearly subscription ($40) forever. Buy yours here***
1. MIMEOGRAPH PAPER
That delicious smell. I licked the mostly-dry ink, as we all did. Probably cancerous as Fuck. I’m not going to look it up to confirm that.
2. HANDWRITING CLASS
I know some of yous are thinking: “what are those squiggles?” Well, I had handwriting class, yes, a whole fucking class dedicated to “HAND-WRITING” in elementary school. I got straight C’s—the lowest grade you could get if you managed to put pencil to paper—every quarter.
3. S&H GREEN STAMPS
Damn skippy my Mom saved them. 1200 got you, like, a toothpick or something.
4. PF FLYERS
I had a pair as a pre-teen, and I did NOT run faster, jump higher, you lying sacks of shit. Never trust a sneaker made by a tire company (BF Goodrich).
5. BOONE’S FARM
Nah, tastes like junior high. First alcohol I got shitfaced on. At Avalon Campground, near the wonderful Jersey Shore.
6. HIGH SCHOOL GYM CLASS
My school gym teacher, Jack H., was straight out of central casting for “old hard-ass gym teacher”, looked 90, but had a young body. He was the wrestling coach and football coach. Above is just one of the torturous activities he made us complete. Don’t worry: If you fell (which I saw several kids do, one compound arm fracture), there was indeed a 2-inch wrestling mat to “break” your fall. Jack sometimes laughed when us kids got hurt. I remember in a full-checking-allowed floor hockey game (I was the best in the school, true story), Rodney D., a bona fide BULLY, checked—last name Headley—a skinny, unpopular, stringy-haired nerd (before nerds became cool) into the brick wall, and broke his collarbone. Gym Jack guffawed out-loud.
7. CBGB
John Varvatos can forever eat shit. I saw Bad Brains at CBGB in college. Amazing show.
Well we didn't have ropes to climb, but poles, and not even a shadow of a mat underneath. The last one about the CBGB is truly sad. I remember half the articles I read in music magazines during my teenage, in the mid seventies, mentioned that famed venue. As I remember, in that same period in Rome, Italy, there were several hundreds - hundreds - of movie theatres. I am that old, pal