Durex Sez Jerking Off Is Over

Ha. It'll only end on Earth when Earth ends.

Masturbation has been around since Dinosaurs were dry humping trees, or probably much earlier, I don’t know, I’m not a fucking paleontologist.

Men (OK, & Women): do you stopping rubbing em out when you have a girl/boyfriend? Spouse? It I was in a committed relationship with PJ Harvey (my wife understands) and she said “Stop wankin’, or we’re done” (in that wonderful voice of hers), well we’d be done.

Durex in Australia (Agency: Inside Ideas Group—terrible name) released this “film” about two weeks ago. It, like most every one of these “long-form” ads, is too fucking long. Give me five minutes in an editing room and I could easily chop it in half.

Dressing up a hand as a “girlfriend” has of course been done millions of times before (both as a “gag” and for real, c’mon guys, admit it, you’ve put lipstick on your hand—h/t Rosey Palm & Her Five Sisters), so there’s nothing at all original about this idea.

The “Hand” texting with “her” “Bae”. Why does the Hand have tiny hands? Why does the Hand need tiny hands?

It’s not a funny ad, it coulda been funny, but it ain’t. And the track choice is terrible. I hate the commercial. Period.

Twelve years ago, Durex did a nice simple ad with condom balloon bunnies. Agency: Fitzgerald&Co, Atlanta.